Dear Santa

Henry County, Kentucky. You have read something like this compilation before, in other letters from other children living in another place.  But because some presents are just as good this year as last, and because these are still the days before Epiphany, when errant gifts can be delivered late, I offer here some of the Dear Santa letters my local paper printed this year.  The editing has been heavy, but I’ve only cut the extraneous, and the spelling and diction are as Santa saw them.

Dear Santa,

Do you have a refrigerator?

Are you frinds with the ester bunny?

Do the elves give you a present?

Can I ride in your sleight? I want a bin tin car and man. Grandma wants a crown.

I want to know why you bring toys, but you never take off your beard.

How do you know which presents go to which house?

Are your elves busy? Are you busy? Is your sleigh working? I hope so because I want a WWE action figure, WWE movie, WWE game. I wish you could come today.

How are you Santa.  Don’t tell me your sick.  Everybody is waiting for you to bring presents.

Oh and are you wondering how many cookies your going to get on Christmas?  Well your going to get four.

I think I have been good this year.  But that’s just my opinion.

How are you doing Santa?  You are the greatest guy I have ever seen.  I wold like a big fat live turkey.

I want a big car seat with two seats.  I want a baby with diapers and binkys.  Don’t know what Mommy wants.

I want a big, big, big pile of dirt and a big big big pile of mud trucks.  And I want a big pile of tractors.  And a big pile of a big house.  And I want a dirt bike and I want a big table.  And I want a big big pumpkin.  And I want a big big spiderman shoes.  And I want a big big big big train tracks.  A big big a big big crayon and a big big big big big big big monster truck.  Big.

Bring me cats and a bear.

Can I ples have an elf and an ipod and bulldog ples and a reindeer.

I need you to bring us a mailbox because my dad hit our mailbox with his truck.  I don’t want the mailbox to be my gift.  I just want you to bring one because we need it.

Can you bring me that thing that you hook into your computer and it paints your nails?

I need some new snow boots.  Don’t tell anybody but the ones my mom got are pink!  She had to get them because they did not have any other color.

Do you allredy need some clothes because you are getting biger and biger?  I need clothes because I am getting biger and bigertoo!  I know you will say you allredy have too many clothes.  But Santa I will give my clothes to my kusen so she can wear them.  You mite say you will get dirty but I can help my mom wash them.  Thank you Santa.

Thank you for the guitar thot you brought last year.  It was fun.  This year I want drums.  I want to play drums.  You might think drums will be to noisy I promise I will not play them when any one is a sleep.

I remember when you brought me a D.S.  I was So happy when I oPenD it.  It was beautiful.  This year I want a computer.  I will Play with It.  The ProBlem is If I Have it my Sister will tear it up.  The solution is I will put it on the Shelf.

Do you like to watch wrestling?  My favorite wrestler is John Cena.  Do you know John Cena since you’re both famous?

Hi! I want a Criss Cross Crash. Don’t bring my sisters presents.

For Christmast this year I want a limo.  I know you think a limo will cost too much but it doesn’t.  Because I will help you buy it.  I will use my allowance to buy it.  I’ll get a cheap one.  I know you think that it’s not safe but it is.  I will always wear my seatbelt.  I will not stick my head out the window at all.  I won’t drive it too fast.  I know you think I’m too young for it but I’m not.  I’m about to turn 9 now so I’m not too young am I?  I can hire someone to drive it for me.  I will give it to my parents.  That’s why I’m not too young for a limo.

Are you doing okay?  I already wrote you a note.  I got it to mommy.  She got it a long time ago.  Did you get it?

I want a picture of every body in the north pole.  I want a pencil it will erase when tell it to and it will write what you say and it will answer math problems for school.  And a credit card with one million dollars on it.

P.S. Go easy on the cookies.